You’re Shitting Me!

Toiletbrushuseinstructions. ( L to R) Completely wrong. Wrong. Almost correct. Correct.
Toiletbrushuseinstructions. ( L to R) Completely wrong. Wrong. Almost correct. Correct.

During my backpack tour of Europe in 1999, I took my first dump in Germany and I thought the toilet was broken. I asked myself where was the water? There was only enough for my logs, not more. Germans’ frugalness is legendary, might’ve their thriftiness perniciously crept into their toilets too?

The next time I found myself on the morning throne I noticed there was even less water than than the previous porcelain potty. Is there a shortage of water in Germany that I am completely unaware of? Certainly there was plenty of rain. Had the Germans not figured out how to collect it and it ran off into some rapidly roiling river? As I watched my handiwork spin down the drain I wondered what it was about toilets in Germany.

The reason I was Munich at all during that first trip was to cohabitate with a dame who I’d met a few days earlier in Italy. She also didn’t have much water in her toilet bowl. And to make matters worse, the hole was on the wrong side! My steaming pile of excrement sat atop a little ledge. As the water flowed during flushing the brownies slid down of their perch as if they were riding a flume at Wet-n-Wild. Yippee!

Naturally, my mess left skid marks around the toilet. I hadn’t cared to take notice of this and it was quickly brought to my attention by the dame.

Dame: “The brush tucked behind the toilet under the tank is used to scrub the toilet when you’re finished.”

Me: “OK, sorry. Why does my poopie sit on a ledge and not drop directly into the water like it does in America?”

Dame: “It is like that so you can inspect it for consistency, color and smell.”

Me: “You’re shitting me! You Germans sure are thorough!”


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